I do not take no for an answer…
Oh well, that is not how life works!
One of the skills that you need to learn in order to become successful is accepting “No” and saying “No”. Let us dive into why is that so.
Accepting “No”
Thinking back at my academic and personal experience, there are a lot of reasons why a teacher, a classmate, or anyone may say “No” to our requests:
1 They may know that they are not the best person to give you what you ask.
I asked one of my lecturers to give me a recommendation letter to apply for AIMS and he said to me. “AIMS does not know about me so you better ask someone whose recommendation letter may be more valuable than mine.” And I did what it says, and I got it! If I just went home and started crying in my room about why that teacher hates me, I would be here talking to you now! The fact is, he does not hate me, this is not something against me, it is not personal at all! It is about what works and what doesn’t.
2 They may in a lot of struggles in their personal or professional life and you are not their priority for now
Again, you have to put yourself in their shoes, if you have let’s say an essay due tomorrow and your friend asks you to help them sew their shoes you will say “No”. Not because you don’t want to help them but that is not what you need to do right now! So if you ask someone for help and they say they can not do it right now, maybe you should consider asking another person!
3 They may just not like you
And guess what, that is okay! You too have someone you don’t really like! Don’t you? You just should not think about it as a sign that you are not valuable! They may just have a bad taste! Listen, you don’t need everybody to like you, you need to do the job and make friends elsewhere! There are a lot of people in the world and at least one of them wants to be your friend or your mentor…
The bottom line is, don’t let refusal from other people make you feel less valuable! Just go and ask the next person, and the next, until you find someone who will be willing to help! In parenthesis, make sure first that your request is doable and reasonable! Also, don’t put all your eggs in one basket, ask different people at a time and one of them may say yes! It is like applying for college, you have your first choice but you also send your application to others just in case!
Saying “No”
Even if it is your boss or your teacher or your parent….
1 Ask yourself if the request is valid and reasonable
Someone asking you to stop wearing your cute little red dress because their boyfriend is looking at you is an example of an unreasonable request! Another example is a classmate asking you to stop raising your hand in class because it makes them look dumb! You can not please everyone and you don’t need to. Just do the right thing and maybe you should tell them to go the therapy…
2 Reflect on the past records of this person
Let us say that you lent this friend some money and they ghosted you for years! If they come back and act as if nothing has happened and tell you they really need money to print a book, you definitely should not lend them money. If you are really generous, you may offer to print the book but do not lend them money again!
3 Ask yourself if you are in a position to honor the request
If anyone would ask me for advice on how to study maths or how to learn languages I will definitely be happy to help. However, if somebody is coming to me and asks me what medicine I think they should get to help with a memory issue or insomnia, I should not answer that! I am just not qualified to give medical advice, I am not a medical doctor a nurse, or a pharmacist!
